Tuesday, September 20, 2011

One of my favorite - How to Talk So Kids Can Learn

I had just finished reading this awesome book by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Can Learn. This book is similar to the previous one - How to Talk so Kids will Listen but with lots of different Q&A from parents and teachers, as well as the success stories from them. I loved those real life example and seeing how each of the parents trying hard to overcome their problem with their kids. It was not easy, and it may not necessary gets better over the night, but with the perseverance and lot of  loves from the parents, things will start to improve. Those example give me the strength and motivation especially when i felt helpless or impatient to my daughter's misbehaviour. I knew that i was not alone and that if other parents can do it, I can too.

What strike me to think the most in this entire book was the author's believe that both praise and criticism are not doing good to the kids. I was openmouthed when reading this chapter as you do but after understanding what the author trying to bring out, i fully agreed. Think about ourselves. If your friend or colleague always say to you, hey you looks great today, or you look pretty with your dress...would you sometime suspicious that they are not that sincere? After all you have been wearing the same old dress that you wore for years. Now come back to our children. We like to say good job, well done to them, but did we wonder what would they really think? They might feel happy for the first few times but after a while, they might asked you to stop it. So, is that mean we shouldn't praise even they did a really great job? Well, according to the author, we should describe what we see, what we hear or how we feel instead. Ex, instead of just saying you look great, maybe we can say, hey you put on eyeliner and eyeshadow today, and it makes your eye even bigger and more attractive...How does that sounds to you? Same should be applied to our children. It is not easy to describe compare to just giving a short compliment like well done, you are such a smart boy, you have got talent. Nevertheless, as a parents,  we should always remind ourselves and practice it. And i think not only to the kids, we should applied the same theory to our family, friends and colleague too...

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