Reading is one of the best ways to learn new thing. Few days ago i read about why parents shouldn't always say "No" to their children. Some kids experience a blunt "No"as a call to arms, a direct attack upom their autonomy. They may over-react by scream, have tantrums, call names and get sullen. However, as a parent, we shouldn't give in and say YES to everything because this will potentially spoiled our children. So what should we do? The author of the book has inspired me with some helpful alternative that allow parent to be firm without initing a confrontation. Try it out and let me know if it works for you too :-)
1. Give infromation (and leave out the No)
Instead of saying No to the kids, we may choose to tell them the fact or reason why they can't do so and they will get the meaning. eg,
child : Can I go to the playground now?
Instead of saying no you can't, you can say : we're having dinner in five minutes. With this info, the child might tell herself that "I guess i can't go now"
2. Accept feelings :
In most cases, resistance is lessened when parents understand who a kid feel.
child: I don't want to go home, i still want to play
Instead of : No, we have to go back now! Accept your kid's feeling by saying: "I understand you are having fun and you were want to stay longer"(As you take him by the hand to go) It's hard for you to leave a place that you enjoy playing so much!
3. Describe the problem :
Child : Mom, can you stay in the class with me.
Instead of saying : No, i can't. Describe the problem : " I would love to stay with you, but mommy need to go to work, mommy have a very important meeting to attend to.
4. Substitute a "Yes" for a "No"whenever possible:
using the example from no.1, you may answer the child : "Yes, we can go to the playground right after the dinner."
5. Give yourself time to think
Child : Can I sleep over at Gary's house?
Instead of : No, you had slept there last week; Give yourself a chance to think : "Let me think about it" *this will let the child feel that his request will be seriously considered and the parent have time to think through the kid's feeling.