Just finished reading the book by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish, "How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk". This book is really a parenting bible. It has excellent example written and also presented through graphic for easy understanding and memorized. The book share with us how to cope with our children's negative feelings and express our own feeling be it a good or negative own in a proper way without being hurtful. It also discuss about how to use alternative way to replace punishment. Example we can offer the kids two option to choose from rather than scolding and spanking them when they are misbehave. Let them experience the consequences of their wrong did themselves instead of using punishment that will create the feeling of revenge. I especially like the method shared by the authors on how to encourage autonomy. As our goal to help our children be independent and one day be able to function on their own without us, it really needs a lot of effort from us. We may need to let our kids make their own choices, don't ask too many questions sometimes, don't rush to answer their questions but rather ask for their opinion or encourage them to get help outside. We may also want to show respect a the child's struggle as things may seem easy to us could be very difficult to them who are doing it at the first time. And last but not least, never take away hope. Although sometime things may seem impossible to us but we should killed their hope straight away, just let them have the fantasy of what they are thinking and doing. This could motivate them to achieve what seems to be impossible to us.
This is really a good book that we as a parent should refer back whenever there is necessary because it is full of practical and real example that we can learn from.