Monday, January 31, 2011

Effective communication with children

I was not a fan of Nanny 911, the reality show but will watch it occasionally. Two days ago, I have the opportunity to watch one of the episode half way through. It was about a family with 5 boys, where the parent was having serious communications breakdown with their children. Both the mom and dad were yelling and screaming at the kids most of the time but the kids never seem to listen to them. (It was similar to my neighbour's case as i mention in my previous post.) The nanny first convinced the mother that screaming at the kids doesn't help anything, but will only worsen their relationship. She tought her the important of effective communication and encourage her to talk to the sons in a better way. The mom accepted the opinion and started to make a change on the way how she talked to her kids. It turn out to be a good one! What makes me more impress was about the father. As he went home from work, he started to scolding and yelling at the kids on their miss-behave. The funny thing is, he was yelling at the kids, commanding them not to scream. Well, kids imitate adult most of the time, if you are yelling at them, why can't they yell, right?
The nanny quickly pull him off from the children and talked to him seriously that he needs a change to the style he talked to the kids. The dad was finally convinced and went back to talk to the kids in a better way. He told his sons that he doesn't want to yell at them, that is really not his intention and he hope to find a better way that will work for all of them. The kids listen calmly and one of the son told his father that he was actually scared when the dad screaming at him. Immediately after hearing it, tear was coming out from the dad. He felt so guilty. At this point of time, nanny encourage him to apologizes to his son. She said that this will make a meaningful event for both of their relationship and that the son will remember it for life. The father was hesitated initially. After a while, he hugs his son and said sorry to him. It was really a touching moment! He promise his son that he will never yell at him again and that he loves him so much!
A few days passed and the changes on the way the parent communicated to their kids has make things change. The boys were more listening now and were willing to set up the table for dinner and wash their own dishes after the dinner. The mom said she trusted that their relationship and the situation will sure getting better and better after nanny's leaving.
I believe this case mention above is common to most of the family. Sometime the children are really testing parents limit and patient. But is yelling and screaming really work? I believe that effective communication is not only in our daily life, especially in workplace; but is also equally crucial between us and our kids! I know that it is hard, but I trust that it's worth to try!

No comments: